dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
