I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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