so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
