I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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