Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
