tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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