I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
be right there i have to get my cape
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
