Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
