do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
