um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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