i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
