Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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