I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
