dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
