If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
