is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
