I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
