2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
