She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
