now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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