so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
