I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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