Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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