He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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