so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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