plz talk dirty to me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
