Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
