I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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