A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
