Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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