Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
