I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Send help, water and tortillas.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
