And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
