I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
