Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?