She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.