Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.