Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize