where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex