Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.