They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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