Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
