it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
