I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
