His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
