is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
