# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dear god my vagina.
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