Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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