WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
