It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A+ Viking dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
