I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
