there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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