mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
