i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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