He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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