I got chris browned last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize