Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
