I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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