As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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