Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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