I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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