also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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