Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
