He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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