I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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