Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
