Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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