I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
