thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize